We Have To Do WHAT Now?
by jennifer snape
Summary: Harry and Draco's reaction to their latest script. A spoof of my own stories! DracoHarry.


A spoof of my own HarryDraco stories. Ooops, I mean _DracoHarry_….

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**We Have To Do WHAT Now?**

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Harry tossed a sheaf of papers towards the sleeping blonde and was rewarded with a muffled obscenity when they smacked Draco squarely on the head. The Slytherin immediately threw back the covers indignantly and rubbed his temple, glaring at the dark-haired wizard.

"What the hell was that for?"

"Get up," Harry commanded cheerily. "That 'Jennifer Snape' wants us to do another HarryDraco one-shot."

"What…AGAIN?" Draco groaned and dropped his head once more on the pillow, face down. "God have mercy…."

"Oh don't be such a grump. She seems to like making us a couple."

"Tell her to get stuffed!" the blonde moaned into the pillow.

"Oh come on!" Harry coaxed. "Don't pretend you don't like seeing your name in lights," he teased. "And it's only a short one this time."

"Hummppfh. Makes a change. I'm still recovering from that bloody angst-ridden _You Promised_. She still hasn't decided where it's going and that story is driving me _up the wall_. I much prefer shorter, fluffier ones."

Harry stifled a snort. "Can I quote you on that?" he smirked. "_Draco likes short, fluffy ones_."

The irate man threw a pillow at his head.

"Oh come on, it's just a small one shot, it won't take long…."

"Hummpfh."

"Go _on_…."

"Oh for God's sake…are you going to let me have any peace until I do?"

"No."

"Oh, alright!" he grumbled loudly. He pressed his lips firmly together. "But only if it's DracoHarry this time!"

"But it's _always_ HarryDraco!" the dark-haired wizard protested.

"So why can't it be DracoHarry for a change?"

"Oh alright," Harry conceded, rolling his eyes and settling down on the edge of the bed.

Draco grinned and reached for the script. "You're such a pushover."

Harry gave him a pointed look and read the top line of the paper in front of him. He cleared his throat. "Your eyes are so blue!"

He looked closer at Draco. "Ooops, I mean grey." He flushed a little. He reached for a pencil and corrected the script so that it now read 'grey'.

Draco smirked at Harry's response and read his own line. "Your hair is so green!"

He looked closer at the script. "Who the hell wrote this?"

"I think that's supposed to say _eyes_, not hair," Harry said helpfully.

Draco raised his eyebrows. "Do you think?" he said sarcastically. He flicked through the rest of the pages. "Good grief, you'd think she'd at least proof read this stuff first…. According to this, I'm working as an Auror with The Order but halfway through she says that I've been a teacher at Hogwarts for five years. And then I seem to get in a hot air balloon for no apparent reason…."

"And straight after that I'm supposed to grab the back of your neck and kiss you," Harry added.

"What, just like that?" Draco asked incredulously. "Isn't there any build up or anything?"

Harry flicked over the page, scratching his neck absently. "Um, no, doesn't seem to be…."

Draco exhaled heavily. "Oh, let's just get on with it…lets try the second scene. That appears to be the least ridiculous of the lot." He turned his gaze back to the paper and continued to read. "Harry, I – I can't go on like this."

Harry followed on with his line. "Harry turned towards Draco and lightly traced a gentle finger down the side of his face. Draco leaned into the touch." He flushed and shifted a little sheepishly. "Oh dear, I wasn't supposed to read that bit out loud."

Draco rolled his eyes. "The bits in bold are _commands_, not script - "

But his sentence was cut off by a loud snort by the other wizard, who was reading the next page. "She's got another thing coming if she thinks I'm going to – he peered at his sheet – _caress the side of your neck and whisper lovingly into your ear?_"

"And why wouldn't you want to do that?" Draco retorted, folding his arms.

Harry raised an eyebrow at him. "I have never been _loving_ towards you and I am not about to start _now_."

"Oh is that right?" He smirked in an exasperating manner. "And what about in _The Nose On Your Face_? And _It's Funny_? Oh yes, and _I Need To Hear It_, and _Son_, and…." He lazily ticked them all off on his fingers.

"Oh, shut up," Harry grumbled, his ears reddening. "And what about you in _Don't Push Me_?" he said defensively. "You had enough _loving_ to fill a Quidditch Pitch."

"Talking of Quidditch," Draco grumbled indignantly, "how come _you_ got to be the Quidditch star in _Playing Away From Home_? Everyone knows I'm much better on a broom than you are!"

"Oh stop sulking."

Jennifer Snape stuck her nose around the door. "Come on, guys, this isn't getting us anywhere."

"Neither is your script!" Draco retorted.

"Well if _that's_ the way you feel," she huffed defensively, "I'll find someone else to do my stories."

"Oh, woe is me," Draco snapped sarcastically.

Harry placed a gentle hand on the Slytherin's arm and shot him a calming look. He then turned and smiled at Jennifer. "Look, he doesn't mean it. Just give us a few minutes…."

Draco's stern expression vanished at Harry's intervention, and he visibly softened at the other wizard's touch.

Jennifer watched this exchange with interest and her eyes glittered, a scheming thought entered her mind….

"Oh no that's alright, you've got a point…." she said offhandedly, looking at her nails. "I could just separate the two of you if you prefer. You're probably right, all this HarryDraco business has been done to death. Yes, let me see…I think you'll go well with Luna, Draco…." She tapped her chin in thought, eyeing the blonde closely. "And maybe I'll put Harry with - "

"NO!" Draco suddenly shouted. He immediately reddened and shoved his head beneath his pillow.

Harry chuckled and rubbed the Slytherin's back comfortingly as the mortified wizard refused to look at them.

Jennifer Snape's eyes widened. "I KNEW IT! I knew you two were an item! So tell me, tell me! When? How?"

Draco muttered something incomprehensible and blushed furiously.

Harry grinned at him and, seeing that the Slytherin was far too embarrassed to speak, turned to Jennifer. "Well I suppose it started off during that first one-shot _It's Funny_ - "

"Ooooh, as far back as that?" she interrupted excitedly, bouncing up and down.

" - but it wasn't until I Need To Hear It that things started getting serious." Harry reddened. "And actually, just two weeks ago - "

Draco made a non-committal noise in his throat and buried his head deeper in the covers.

" - Draco recreated that scene in _Pillow Fight_, you know – the one with - "

"Oh yes, I know…." Jennifer breathed.

Harry blushed. Only this time _he_ was the one with the ring." He smiled shyly. "And when he got down on one knee I just melted…." The words stuck in his throat a little and he fingered the silver band around his left finger, his eyes glistening as he turned to gaze at the blonde who was still lying face down in the bedcovers.

Jennifer's eyes suddenly flew to the ring and her jaw dropped.

"OH MY GOD!" She clapped a hand over her mouth. "You mean – you two…!"

"Yep, that's right," Harry smiled shyly. "We were going to tell you earlier, but - "

Draco suddenly found his voice. "So don't even _think_ about writing Harry with _anyone_ else, do you hear?" he demanded, the pillow partially muffling his words.

Jennifer suppressed a smile and shook her head vigorously. "Oh no, no – of course not…." She looked fondly at the couple. "I'm so happy for you," she smiled genuinely. "Well I'll leave you both to it," she beamed, opening the door.

"Wait - " Harry suddenly said, eyeing her suspiciously as a thought came to his mind. "You're not going to write this up in one of your _stories_ are you?"

Jennifer raised her eyebrows innocently and brought a hand to her chest. "Who, me?"

She turned away. "I wouldn't _dream_ of it…."

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